Cruelty From Husbands On Their First Night Of Marriage

The prophet (saw) said:

“Allaah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.” [Bukhaaree]

He (saw) also said:

“Shall I not tell you who will be forbidden from the fire, or from whom the fire will be forbidden? It will be forbidden for every gentle, soft-hearted and kind person.” [Tirmidhee]

Umm Salamah states:

“From cruelty and injustice is that the man comes to the first meeting with this poor woman and he only thinks about deflowering her and satisfying his desires. This action amounts to one of the strongest reasons for her dislike towards him until this dislike stretches for a very long time. What is it that prevents the Muslim man from coming to his wife by way of a nice word, or joking and playing with her?

Verily that is more appropriate in that it brings the two hearts together and facilitates mercy and compassion between them, and we have in the Messenger of Allaah (saw) a good example.”

[Taken from “Supporting The Rights Of The Believing Women” By Umm Salamah, p. 102]

 

Maintaining Chastity Through Marriage

A man’s fulfilling his sexual desire with his wife may often happen as the result of stimulation, by looking or touching etc. Hence fulfilling his desire when it is provoked in such situations is a means of keeping himself chaste and lowering his gaze [from looking at other women].

This is what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us to do, according to the hadeeth narrated by Muslim (1403) from Jaabir, who says that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a woman and he came to his wife Zaynab, whilst she was tanning a skin and preparing it for dyeing, and he fulfilled his need. Then he went out to his companions and said: “Woman comes and goes in the shape of a devil [i.e., she causes temptation], so if any one of you sees a woman, let him go and have intercourse with his wife, for that will take away what he feels in his heart.”

This was also narrated by Ahmad, 19403; Ibn Maajah, 1853.

Ibn Hibbaan narrated in his Saheeh, 4171, that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Awfa said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘No woman fulfils all her duties towards Allaah until she fulfils all her duties towards her husband. If he asks her [for his conjugal rights] even when she is on the back of a camel, she should respond to him.’”

They Are Clothing For You And You Are Clothing For Them

Great Tafsir of one ayat in Qur’an. So many benefits arranged from one sentence of Qur’an.

Allah says: “It is made lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives on the on the night of the fasts. They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them…” [Sûrah al-Baqarah: 187]

Allah chose to use the word “clothing” rather than any other word to describe the special relationship between a man and his wife. Allah made the man clothing for the woman and the woman clothing for the man. The word “clothing” as used in this context is rich with meaning. It would be quite difficult to express in words every subtlety that it conveys. We shall try, however, to consider a few of the ideas that this word expresses.

1. The word “clothing” in its most literal sense is what immediately covers the body with no barrier in between.

2. The word clothing connotes the idea of equality, complementarity, and support of both a psychological and physical nature. The man has his role and the woman has hers. The woman cannot be construed as merely a vehicle to fulfill the man’s desires. She is a human being, equal to the man. Each of them is as clothing to the other in every aspect of life.

3. Clothing implies adornment and beautification. Allah says: “Take your adornment to every mosque.” [Sûrah al-A`raf: 31] A man and woman are an adornment and beautification for each other.

Ibn `Abbâs said: “Indeed, I like to dress up for a woman in the same way as I like it for a woman to dress herself up for me. This is because Allah says: ‘And they have upon you similar rights to those you have upon them in good dealings.’ And I do not like to exact from her every right to which I am entitled, since Allah says: ‘and for the man there is a degree over them’.” [Tafsîr al-Tabarî (1/625)]

Some of this beauty is of a physical kind, for a person sees in the one he truly loves beauty that others do not see.

Some of this beauty is also of an intangible nature. Faithfulness and enduring friendship are a part of faith, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said.

Something For The Married Men

So you think sending your wife to the plastic surgeon will put that spark back into the relationship? Not likely. Actually, you’re the one who needs to go to the Curv Dr.

The Curv Dr. will teach you the 6 primary love needs of women. If you fulfill these needs, the bonds of love will only strengthen.

C – Caring
U – Understanding
R – Respect
V – Validation

D – Devotion
R – Reassurance

Caring – when a husband shows interest in his wife’s feelings and heartfelt concern for her well-being, she feels *cared for*.

Example: Anas ibn Malik narrates, “I saw the Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam), making for her (Safiya) a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him (on his camel). He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiya to put her foot on, in order to ride (on the camel).” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

Understanding – When the husband listens without judgement but with empathy and relatedness to his wife expressing her feelings, she feels heard and *understood*. Don’t presume to already know your wife’s thoughts or feelings when she is trying to communicate them to you. Instead, gather meaning from what is being said.

Example: If your wife is talking about the frustrations of the day how unbearably long the line was at the supermarket, just listen to her and when she’s finished, say, “Wow, that must have really tried your patience!” Show her that you understand her feelings and can relate to her experience. Don’t say, “Ummm… You should have just used the self-checkout.” Instead, just listen and show you understand without offering solutions. Later on, when she’s not venting, you can suggest that she try the self-checkout.

Something For The Married Women

Your husband’s Love Tank ran dry, the engine broke down, and now your marriage is stuck in a ditch by the side of the road? No need to worry! Just sit back and have a nice cup of TEA while you call up Triple A to pull your marriage out of the rut.

TEA Triple A – roadside assistance for understanding the 6 primary love needs of men.

T – Trust
E – Encouragement
A – Admiration

A – Approval
A – Appreciation
A – Acceptance

Trust – When the wife’s attitude is open and receptive toward her husband, he feels *trusted*. To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his wife. This positive belief should be reflected by the wife’s interactions with her husband.

Example: The husband is trying to fix the kitchen sink. As he struggles with the wrench, the wife looks on and says, “Maybe you should call a plumber…” The husband feels crushed because he thinks she doesn’t trust him to do what’s best for them. Instead, the wife should refrain from giving unsolicited advice (except Islamic advice, of course).

Encouragement – When the wife expresses confidence in her husband’s abilities and character, it fills him with hope and courage and he feels *encouraged*.

Example: When the Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) received the first revelation from Allah, he was terrified and sought comfort with his wife Khadija. He said, “I fear that something may happen to me.” Khadija replied, “Never! But have the glad tidings, for by Allah, Allah will never disgrace you as you keep good relations with your kith and kin, speak the truth, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guest generously and assist the deserving, calamity-afflicted ones.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

O’ Single Muslim, A Poem Dedicated To You!

The Communication Between Men & Women Over the Internet

Compiled by: Abu Ziead al-Athary

Assalamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakatuhu

The noble Shaykh Ubayd al-Jabari  may Allaah protect him- repeats his warning against communication, with mobile phones or over the internet, between men and women while claiming the justification of seeking knowledge or giving Dawa.

In an open question and answer session taking place every Sunday evening in the Paltalk room Salafi Duroos, the noble Shaykh said: ‘Communicating over the telephone is an area and way in which the heart of both the speaker and communicator will become attached to the others!’

Here is a transcript of what the Shaykh commented on after an answer to a similar question:

‘I would like to bring to attention a dangerous issue. Which many of the Muslim men and women who they ascribe themselves to knowledge fall into. I have dealt with this issue before but many of the people have refused it and that they have been obstinate and rejected the advice!!

From the news that has reached me of the danger of this issue, a person finds it embarrassing to mention it. And this is the issue, which is individuals speaking over the phone and communicating via mobile phones.

This matter has overcome many men and women with the justification of Dawa but this justification is not valid and it is an excuse which is corrupt. It is not hidden from every Muslim man and woman whose heart has been filled with the awe and reverential fear of Allaah, that al-Khallwaa (being alone with a member of the opposite sex with whom there is no relation) is Haraam. The meaning here is that khallwaa is being alone with strange men and women.

As for the evil effects of this, as have been relayed to me, they are more severe than al-Khallwaa (being alone with a member of the opposite sex with whom there is no relation), since al-Khallwaa in a house or in a car causes the people to look at them, as for communicating over the internet and sending and receiving messages over the phone then this is a hidden Khallwaa, which is only known to the Originator of the heavens and the earth and the noble scribes (Angels).

Beautiful Narration: “I Had Sexual Relations With My Wife While Observing The Ramadhaan Fast.”

While we were sitting in the company of Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) a man approached and said: “O Messenger of Allah! I’m ruined!“

The Prophet said: “What is the matter?“

He said: “I had sexual relations with my wife while observing the Ramadan fast.“

Allah’s Messenger then asked him: “Can you find a slave whom you can free?” He said “No“. “Then, are you able to fast for two consecutive months?” He said “No“. “Then, do you have the wherewithal to feed 60 poor people?” He said “No“.

So the Prophet (peace be upon him) stopped and considered, and we waited like that until a large basket of dates was brought to him. He asked: “Where is that questioner?“

The man spoke up: “Here I am.“

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Take this and give it out in charity.“

The man then asked: “Messenger of Allah, must I find someone poorer than myself to give it to? By Allah, there is no household in town poorer than my own.“

The Prophet (peace be upon him) laughed until we could see his teeth, the said: “Go feed your family.“

[Narratd by Aboo Hurayrah in Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1936) and Sahîh Muslim (1111)]

Source

A point to be noted is that the Messenger of Allah did not ask the female whom he had sexual relations with to also do any of these acts (fast, feed the poor etc), so a woman is free from such compensations, and Allaah knows best.

A Wife Can Be A Source Of Reward!

Ibn Mas’ood (ra) related that the Prophet (saw) said; “When a man spends on his family seeking the reward for that from Allaah, then it is charity on his behalf.” [Saheeh Bukhaari]

Sa’d Ibn Abee Waqaas (ra) related that Allaah’s Messenger said; “Indeed, whenever you spend seeking Allaah’s Countenance for doing so, you will be rewarded for it – even for what (i.e., the food) you put in the mouth of your wife.” [Saheeh Bukhaari]

Abu Dharr related that Allaah’s Messenger said; “In the private part of each of you there is charity.“

The companions asked; “O Messenger Of Allaah, does one of us fulfil his (sexual) desire (i.e., have sexual relations with his wife) and still get rewarded?!“

He said; “Yes, do you not see that if one were to use it for haraam (i.e., if one was to have sexual relations with a woman other than his wife) – there would be a sin upon him? And similar is the case of the one who uses it for halaal (purposes)! He has his reward!” [Saheeh Muslim]

Taking Good And Beneficial Knowledge Regarding Intimacy Wherever One Finds It

However, before we begin, some might question whether we as Muslims are allowed to benefit from Western sources regarding these topics (of intimacy and love). The response is that our religion encourages us to take wisdom from all peoples and cultures. The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, “Wisdom is the lost item of the believer – wherever he finds it, he takes it.”

Just as we take from all societies their knowledge of medicine, engineering, and chemistry, so too there is no problem in taking good and beneficial knowledge regarding intimacy from different cultures as well. In fact, even our Prophet salla Allahu alahyi wa sallam did so. He said, “I was about to forbid you from having intercourse with your wives while they are breastfeeding children, but I saw that the Romans and Persians did that and it did not harm their children” [Reported by al-Bukhari].

Therefore, the fact that the Romans and Persians engaged in intimacy while the mother was breastfeeding, and it did not harm the child, was used by our Prophet to allow intercourse during this time.

Jazakum Allah khayr!

Yasir Qadhi

[Extracted from LikeAGarment]